


Trust No one (Except Jensen)

by Annie46fic



Series: Alien!Crack [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Aliens, Alternate Universe - Crack, M/M, Mpreg, Tentacles, alien!jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-30
Updated: 2013-06-30
Packaged: 2017-12-16 14:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/863235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie46fic/pseuds/Annie46fic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aliens are amongst us!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust No one (Except Jensen)

It’s hard to think when there is a tentacle wrapped around your cock, but Jared manages to form something coherent in what is left of his upstairs’ brain. 

“Jensen,” he gasps as he reaches fulfillment. “What are we gonna tell my parents?”

“About our sexual lives?” Jensen asks, quite sensibly considering what they are doing.

“No!” Jared’s world white’s out for a long time. “About the baby.”

“We will think of something,” Jensen says, happily, as he grunts his way to his own climax.

Jared hopes he is right.

****

Jared never really had a lot of ambition. He was a happy soul; content to do his job (Engineer), drink copious amounts and meet the man of his dreams. The fact that he had managed to do all three of the above was a personal triumph but this particular triumph was marred by the fact that he was now pregnant (which had never been one of his ambitions) with, what would obviously be, a human/alien hybrid (who Jared would love anyway but that was beside the point).

Jared wasn’t sure on a lot of things. Would he qualify for maternity leave? What would happen to his body? Would he lose his figure or his looks or – heaven forbid – both. How would he breast feed? Would he be mummy? All these things played on his mind and made it difficult for him to actually relax and enjoy things - (like tentacles and awesome blow jobs).

Jensen was patient with him; tender and gentle and treated him as if he was porcelain. He liked it (even though he pretended he didn’t, because he might be gay but he was a manly man) and he craved it (even more than he craved onions and Cheetos at the moment) and he allowed it to happen. Ten times a day at least!

Now, his parents were coming round for _the talk_ and Jared was trying to decide how he was going to explain that for one, his boyfriend was an alien, for two, said alien had taken human form and, for three, Jared was having his child or his slimy thing or his egg or something.

He wasn’t sure his parents were going to take it too well.

****

“I always wanted to be a grandma,” his mom coo’ed. “I’m going to knit a little hat and a matching sweater,” she sighed and smiled at his dad. “In a neutral color.”

“Did you not catch the part where Jensen is an alien.” Jared was pleased, of course he was, but he wasn’t quite sure of his mom’s sanity right about now.

“Oh Jared, in this day and age mixed marriages are as common as anything.” His mom wasn’t letting anything deter her. “Take your daddy, we didn’t think it would work because he wasn’t from around here.”

“Daddy was from Austin – it’s not quite the same.”

“Jared. Jared.” His mom pinched his cheek. “Always with the complications.”

Jensen seemed happy that his parents were happy and served up his usual tasty lunch, (where did aliens learn how to cook?). Jared smiled up at his lover and wondered, randomly, if he ought to tell his mom to knit a few more arms on that jumper. . . .

****

“So.” Now he had crossed _tell the folks_ off his **To do List** , Jared needed a few more ticks in his box. “How will I actually give birth?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to know, because there was only one orifice _down there_ and it might be big enough for Jensen and maybe even a couple of his tentacles but it certainly wasn’t big enough for a baby’s head, (or body for that matter).

“I really was a doctor,” Jensen announced proudly (a fact he hadn’t seen fit to divulge earlier). “On Klarg, and I will ensure that your delivery will be smooth and that your discomfort will be minimum.”

“Jensen, you know I love you and your exotic past, but _WHERE THE HELL IS THE BABY COMING FROM_?”

“Your loins,” said Jensen, unhelpfully. “I am very good at probing.” He waggled his eyebrows, (something that Jared was sure he had learned from daytime TV), and moved smoothly towards Jared with a grin on his stupidly handsome human face. “So now your parents have gone, let us continue with our very enjoyable sexual relations.” He pressed his eager lips against Jared’s and Jared sighed.

Ah tentacles, the cure for everything.

****

**Aliens Are Living Amongst Us!**

Jared picked up the newspaper from his local store and stared at it suspiciously. The spotty nerd behind the counter (clearly a Sci Fi fan due to his lack of grace, dress sense and a badge that declared his name to be Kevin) pointed to it with barely concealed excitement.

“Just think,” he almost panted. “They could be right down the road from us, dude. RIGHT DOWN THE ROAD!”

“Oh yeah.” Jared thought his acting skills were excellent. “You’ve been watching too many X-Files episodes.”

“I don’t think so,” Kevin lowered his voice and leaned forward. “My therapist was acting a bit weird. Do you think they snatch our bodies and suck out our brains?”

Jared resisted the temptation to say that they wouldn’t get much if they attacked Kevin and stared at the article, a strange wriggling feeling in his stomach (which had nothing to do with the baby). Aliens, the article had said, and Jared wondered what exactly that might mean.

****

“You weren’t the only one who stayed behind were you?” Jared wants to be angry but it is hard when Jensen looks so downcast. “There are others aren’t there? You’ve not come in peace after all; you’re snatching our bodies and sucking on our brains.”

Jensen makes a little soft squawk and Jared feels really, really guilty.

“Jensen,” he said, softer and Jensen sighed.

“I was not the only one who found a human they loved while probing.” His eyes met Jared’s. “There was Jefferererer, he was a scholar and Misharcollinmus who was just – what is your word for it – a douche. They too pursued their loves and, perhaps, one day, they too will also become parents.”

“Are they all here? I mean do you meet up in the library or something and chat about world domination and probing.”

“Yes,” Jensen gave that soft little squawk again and Jared wondered what part of his question Jensen was actually answering.

****

Jared worried about Jensen when he went out and about. He worried that the government (or the men in black) might find him and take him away. He lay sleepless at nights sometimes afraid that his lover would end up in some hidden facility (like area 51) and that he would be dissected for scientific reasons and leave their poor little baby (who might also be dissected) without a father. He had read a lot of articles in geeky type broadsheets like **Weekly World News** and he knew how antsy people got about alien invasions and alien babies, (he swore he once read Hilary Clinton had one but maybe that was just a nightmare).

The night it happened Jensen was actually at home with him, the two of them snuggled up in bed. There had been sex and there had been tentacles and Jared was just on the right side of sleepy when he heard a loud voice bellow.

“Come out you slimy alien bastard – surrender or die.”

Jensen sat up with a start and Jared clutched his arm like some Victorian maiden ready to swoon.

“It’s the men in black,” he gibbered. “Don’t let them take you.”

“I will never surrender,” Jensen said, bravely. “I want to be here with you, I want to nurture our child.”

“What shall we do?” Jared felt sick, he wanted to weep, scream, punch something.

“We will have to board my escape pod and go to another planet – one where we may both live in peace.”

“You have an escape pod?”

“Yes I have been keeping it in the outhouse.”

“The . . . .” Jared shook his head, panic gripping him. “I can’t go into space,” he reasoned. “I’ve had no training and I don’t like heights.” He held Jensen’s arm so tight he thought he might pull something. “And my mom is knitting a sweater,” he finished, feebly. “I can’t disappoint her.”

“I understand,” Jensen squawked a little as he nuzzled Jared’s neck. “Then it will have to be plan B.”

“What’s plan B?” Jared really didn’t want to know.

“I deny that I am an alien and we sue them for deformation of character.”

“But you have tentacles.”

“You know that and I know that but they do not know that and I am sure you are not about to tell them.”

“How the hell did they find you anyways?”

“The douchebag Misharcollinmus must have told them. He is, what you might call, an idiot.”

Below them there was the cracking of wood and the thundering of feet and Jared threw his arms around Jensen and clung on.

“They’re coming,” he whispered and Jensen hugged him closer.

“I will protect you my love,” he said. “No one will touch you or our child.”

Shit, Jared closed his hands over his stomach and it rolled alarmingly.

He didn’t want to be dissected.

****

It turned out that, as well as having expertise in probing, Jensen had the power to alter minds. Jared didn’t want to call it brain-washing because it sounded weird and creepy but, whatever it was, it was pretty impressive.

The man at the door had a buzz cut, a fierce expression and a name tag on his camouflage jacket that read **Norm**. Behind him stood two rather intense looking men wearing black suits and shades. They both had their arms crossed and appeared to be staring hard at Jensen. Jared’s fears of dissection went up another notch and he clung – fearfully – to Jensen’s arm feeling all too much like a damsel in distress.

“Commander,” Jensen’s voice was low and soft like silk. “There must be some mistake, there are no aliens here.”

Norm’s expression morphed from fierce to puzzled to smiling inanely. The two men behind him relaxed visibly and Jared saw one loosen his tie.

“I do apologize sir,” Norm huffed a little. “We have made a grave error of judgement.”

“You have indeed, Commander.” Jensen winked at Jared, confident now. “We would like to ask for a little recompense for the mistake, wouldn’t want to have to sue the government or anything.”

“There will be a check in the post,” Norm bumbled, still grinning like a loon. “Believe me it will be more than enough to make things right.”

“Thank you,” Jensen beamed, all charm and Jared wondered what _Norm_ would do if he could see him in his true form.

****

“Fifty thousand dollars” Jared held up the check gingerly.

“Are you happy?” Jensen sidled up to him and began to make those odd little squawking noises that turned Jared on in a really weird way.

“Hell, yeah.” Jared hadn’t been this happy since Wal-Mart started selling gummy bears at a bargain price. “We can afford some really nice things now.”

“For the baby.” Jensen put his hand over Jared’s stomach possessively.

And Jared, who still had a lot of questions and very few answers decided that now was a good a time as any.

“About that . . . .”


End file.
